Loss

Yesterday morning John got a call at 6:30am from his dad, letting him know that his Grandma Carol, John's maternal grandmother, passed away.

She battled breast cancer, then bone cancer, which is what took her life. Last Monday, John spoke to his mom, who told him Carol's body was shutting down, and it was just a matter of days...on Sunday in the middle of the night (3:15am PST) she passed.

It was a rough week for John and I. We were without family this Thanksgiving to begin with, then the news of his grandmother came, and we felt very isolated...we wanted so badly to be in California with John's family, to see Carol one last time, to be with his mom, his aunts and their families, and John's grandpa. But being full term in my pregnancy, I can't fly, and John couldn't bring himself to make the cross-country flight and risk not being able to make it home quickly if I needed him. We couldn't be there to say goodbye, and it is devastating.

Carol, my grandmother-in-law, was an amazing woman. I felt as though she were my own grandmother, especially since I have known her since I began dating John at the age of 15. And John has always been very close with her. I've been fortunate to hear all sorts of stories over the years of how great of a grandma she was to John. She was a huge part of his life, as a young child, as a teenager, and up until the day she died. I know John loved her, admired her, and cherished her very much.

 I will be the first to admit that death doesn't really evoke overwhelming emotions in me...I've had grandparents pass away, and although it made me sad, I was more relieved to see the one I loved end their suffering. I have never been very close with my grandparents. But with Carol, I feel a loss. Like my life will not be the same without her in it, without her in John's life, without her in my kids' life. Her voice, her laughter, her kindness, her love, the way she always made me feel welcomed and valued. I will miss her.

The last time I spoke with Carol was just over a month ago. She had bought the new baby girl a travel system (I think she is the most generous person I have ever met in my life), and I called to thank her.  Her voice was so lively, soft and kind. "I hope it's the one you wanted honey, I am so happy that you like it."

She asked if I was excited and ready for the new baby. "I'm nervous for a third," I said. "I don't know how you did it raising five!"

"Oh yes you do," She said. "You just do it, just like you're doing it now. You will be just fine and you are a great mother to those kids."

She always spoke like that to me...so optimistic, encouraging, and kindly sharing her wisdom. I cherish that last conversation, about her great granddaughter who will soon be born. But the thought that Carol will not meet her on this Earth, breaks me. I wish they could have at least met.

Although John spoke to his grandmother often, the last time we actually saw her was in July of 2011. She took the trek across country from her home in California to see us in South Carolina, along with John's grandpa and parents, and we spent a whole week together. Carol was wheel chair bound, but that didn't stop her from making the absolute best of the trip..she was trooper!! She loved history, and John wanted to take her to a battlefield. We went to Kings Mountain and did over a mile long hike up and down the mountain. We all took turns pushing Carol up the hill (and trying not to let go of the wheelchair on the way back down the steep slope!)...it was hard work but so worth it, and I will cherish those memories!



We all made it to the top of Kings Mountain! {July 2011}

That visit with John's family also included a weekend at a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN. We cooked jambalaya, enjoyed the view of the Smoky Mountains, played with Jade and Cole, and strolled downtown. Carol absolutely loved Gatlinburg, especially the little mountain shops.



Beautiful Carol
{They almost didn't let Carol taste the moonshine because she didn't have her ID on her!}



Carol bought me and my mother-in-law these shirts just because she thought they were funny!! They say, "Just a Southern Girl wearing camo and packing ammo"
Yep, that's us! Toooooo funny!

We are SO incredibly thankful that John's family took that trip just a year and half ago. We made such valuable memories, and my kids got the chance to really make their first memories with their amazing Great Grandmother. What a blessing to us all.

Gosh, the loss of Carol just hurts. But I do know that she is no longer suffering, she is at peace now. And she lived a good life. A full life.

Like I said, I wish we could have been there with the family in Southern California this past week. Our hearts and spirit and prayers were always there with them, and continue to be. Rest in peace, Carol. Thank you for your life and your legacy. We love you.